Check-in 9 : Less than One Week

     One week left. I can`t believe it. It`s weird because last week I was both happy and sad about leaving. Now, I am just overwhelmed. Realizing how little time I have left has made me question every decision I make. Do I REALLY want this croissant? Because this is my last week, What if this is my last croissant? I should get the croissant. I should get it and I should enjoy it. It's my last week. Maybe I should get this mystery pastry instead. It's my last week. I might never get the chance to try this mystery bread ever again. What if this pastry changes the course of my life? It is 50 cents more expensive. What if later I find something incredible I want to buy and I am 50 cents short? It's my last week. Confused? Me too.

Check-in 8: Taking a Second

     As I said before, I am having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that my "trip of a lifetime" is coming to an end. The last few days have both stressful and amazing because of it, but I am now what I would call "spiritually exhausted". I have been putting my all into getting the most out of these last few days. Realizing every moment: this is the last time I will do...something. I tried to take all opportunities to speak French, talk to people, and engage. Yet, it`s clear I didn't give myself enough time (or mental space) to enjoy it. Every accomplishment or thing to appreciate I noticed, I was thinking about what I would do next. How can I appreciate the next moment? I was stuck in a back and forth mind-set. Reflecting on the past, trying to appreciate the present and plan the future all at once, although I tried, is impossible. I have one single day left of regular courses in France. 4 measly classes. It`s time to just clear my head and enjoy it.

Check-in 7: A Clouded Mind

     This week my brain is overwhelmed with questions as I reflect over my experience here. Only now am I realizing how much I have internalized my new life. I am completely adapted, except for the language. Which continues to be a struggle. However, I am currently writing this is my room, while my "host-cat" is trying to take a nap on my computer. She has clearly gotten used to me too.

     Even though I have been here for four months, going on five, I have already spent one month on vacation. And as of Friday, I am done with all "normal courses". How weird. How scary. As I said, my mind is overflowing. Have I used my time well? What if I hadn't been so lazy during that week of vacation? Have I really made progress? Its hard to except that I have had so little time in school. That there are people and things I may never see again, starting in just a few days. Should I have put it more effort?  Maybe.

   I tell myself that being an exchange student is hard, and that I have seen and experienced so much. I tell myself I have surpassed my own expectations. Yet, I find myself wondering, is it enough? Could have I gone further? Why not a year? And I guess the answer is in the question. The "me" that left my home four months ago thought a month was a long time. That "me" thought a year was too long. That "me" would look at all that I have achieved and experienced in the last four months and say, "OK, that`s good enough. You can relax now." The me I am today, is ready for more.
Stay tuned!